It does get better. ♥ LGBT

This is to any LGBT youth.

These people feel like loners. They must feel VERY awkward being called every name in the book.. Fag, nerd, hurtful names like those. Being called a waste would hurt as well. They must’ve felt the mainstream didn’t want them. People are so rude and being no allowance for someone to be different. It’s so crazy to think that all your life people have been telling you to be yourself… You know, this is all aside from people having the slight bit of thought that you’re gay. After all the times you are told to be yourself, you are then told to not be gay. It doesn’t make sense I bet. There must definitely be nights when someone who goes to be bed thinking, “I don’t want to deal with this I don’t want to wake up in the morning.” They must’ve wanted to curl up in a dark corner somewhere and hope that it all went away. They’d have all these feelings that they wouldn’t be able to talk about with someone necessarily. They are people too and they’d be looking for that acceptance, but it’d be even harder for them to get it. You really wouldn’t know what to do. I, myself, think that any lesbian, gay, bisexual person would have an image in their mind that if they told anyone that they would lash out at them and be so angry and be like, “Oh you’re going to Hell.” This thought would make someone very depressed and make them, possibly, contemplate suicide.  It will get better. Don’t’ do something that you’ll regret because think, “If it does get better, and I’m gone.. Then I’ve really screwed up.” Every day is worth waking up for; you never know what is going to happen. In the end, it’s like ripping a band-aid off of a wound, it hurts, it really hurts most of the time, but it heals. Life changes SO much. Your uniqueness is your strength. It is what differentiates from other people. Just to have someone that you have to say, “I love you” to every night. As difficult as it might seem, just open up with somebody. The bullies seem like the powerful people, the successful people and the secret of the real world is they’re at the peak of their power at 15 and 16. There will come a time where the bullies are NOT successful and the people would are bullied are. You just have to out survive them. Those bullies wind in horrible places. They don’t know you, they don’t know who you are or what you love or just anything about you. The most successful people, are the ones who are different. It does get better.

You make me smile♥

Your smile,
so big and bright.
As I approach you,
it shines it's light.
Expressing your love
and happiness to see me♥

Your smile is so contagious.
I can't look at you and
not feel like the need to express my happiness
My happiness to have you♥

You make me smile
Everyday
You make me smile
Is that okay?
To feel this way,
Around you(:

You're beautiful, never doubt♥

I love how you are so outgoing
and your knowing of when I am upset
I love our inside jokes
that only you and I would get
It's so easy to feel comfortable around you
because of your friendly personality
And when you compliment me,
I compliment you back
But you deny
Please, love.
Don't deny.

You're beautiful.
Inside and out.
You're beautiful
When will you figure that out?
That even though you are not like the others,
you are YOU and that's all that matters.
Love, you're beautiful.
Never doubt ♥
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wrote this for a friend ♥
Showed her it.
I think she liked it ♥

Be you.

And I think that's what we're afraid of.
Speaking out,
Sharing our own opinions,
Our own view on things.
Just being different really.
We want people to accept us for us..
But it's kind of hard when they want you to be someone else.
Like it depends on who you are with that you will share your own opinion
and say what you are thinking, right?
Because you just want to be accepted?
Well don't afraid.
♥
Speak out. Share your own thoughts. Be you.

♥♥♥♥

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
                                                                                        -- Maryanne Williamson

Cannot be found.

She cries.
But to avoid being discreet and attracting any true attention,
she hides in her room or away from socialization.
She's unhappy and every one knows,
for this is what she tells everyone
But they don't understand.
They don't understand what she has to be so upset about,
when she has so much.
And although she DOES appreciate everything she has,
she wants something that she is unable to name.
It's like she is searching for something that cannot be found.

People want to feel wanted.

And this is what is comes to.
Hurt people all around the world wanting more love, more attention.
They want friends.
They want happiness.
But with so many people throwing knives in other people's backs.
A true friend doesn't come around very often.
And after you've been hurt so many times..
It's hard to trust anyone to be your friend.
To tell them everything, every little thing about you.
Because.. You are so afraid that it'll get out.
That your so called "friend" will tell someone else
and that someone else will tell another person and somehow..
It'll get all around just because your so-called friend couldn't keep a secret.
You're just hoping that someday.. Someone will come up to YOU and be like..
"You look lonely.. Mind if I sit here?" Or stand next to you or whatever.
You just want someone to approach you because you are such an introvert due to all the times you have been hurt and used.
You want to just sit there and see who REALLY cares that you look lonely.
But really.. The world has come to people being so self-centered that they really don't care about ANYTHING but themselves.
It's really pathetic if you think about it.
I don't know.
I just want to say that..
People want to feel wanted.

The Marker.

You put me in a box.
Locked away.
You use me
You hurt me when I start running out of life.
And then you replace me.
You get bored of me and you use a new marker.

Marker's sure do relate to how boys USE girls.

Broken.

Within these walls she's built
lies a kind heart.
A girl with a kind heart.
But as she was tormented and teased,
her walls went up to block out the unworthy people.
She still hurts, for this is her self esteem that is being crushed.
She is never happy, but she has so much.
And this makes her wonder why she is so unhappy.

But on the outside you see her smile.
Her bright eyes and you hear her laughter.
The beautiful ring of her laughter.
She looks like she's living the dream and as if
she's never been hurt.

You would never guess that she is broken inside.

World.

I think that's what's wrong with the world; 
no one says what they really feel, they always hold it inside. 
They're sad, but they don't cry.
They're happy, but they don't dance or sing.
They're angry, but they don't scream.
Because if they do,
they feel ashamed and that's the worst feeling in the world. 
So everyone walks with their heads down and no one sees 
how beautiful the sky is.

The Piano

A note
rings out,
loud and clear,
above the silence
of the cold, unfeeling day.
Gradually,
the despondent peal fades.
Hollow impassivity returns.
The empty silence resumes.
No hearts beat.
No lungs breathe.
No ears heed.
The piano
strikes another key,
despairingly;
no sound is returned.
The stillness recapitulates.
The piano,
harsh and grating,
weights the keys,
burdens the pedal,
rents the sheet;
it cries to the emptiness.
The void responds
with languid muteness,
for no one hears
the piano.

Crying Scarlet Tears.

[So I wrote this poem because I was bored and I have just recently read a book about a girl who cut herself.
I DO NOT DO THIS. So don't like freak out.]

The beads of blood,
the stains in her heart,
She cover the scars,
To her it’s an art.

The pain,
the pain's so strong.
The blood’s running down her arms.
She knows this is wrong.

She feels so deserted,
She feels so alone
The pain drives her insane
It makes her feel numb.

If only she was loved.
If only she didn’t feel so alone.
If only she had friends.
If only somebody had known.

She’s trying just to get away,
Hiding herself from the world.
She’s trying to make it all better,
She’s just a poor, poor girl.

She hide it each day, every day she lives,
Just hoping no one will find out.
She doesn’t do it to die, she just does it to let go,
Through all of this pain she just wants to shout.

She wants to shout this secret
Hoping it’s not something she’ll regret.

Hold me.

I'm hurt all the time.
I don't want to cry for the way I feel inside.
I just want someone to hold me...
I'm alone in the dark, please try to find me.
Anyone find me!
I'm sorry, I just don't want to be alone anymore.
I feel unheard and unseen. Depressed and weak.
I'm alway the one who is sorry.
Please hold me until it all ends.
Just hold me that’s all I want.
I don't want to be alone in the dark.
Just hold me as I start to disappear from the light.
Just hold me as I start to cry.
Just hold me so I wont be alone inside.
Just hold me so tight.

There you will see me.

Look into my eyes.
Tell me what you see.
It won't be happy,
It won't be pretty.

The way I act,
Makes me seem happy.
It makes me seem fine.
But look into my eyes.

There you will see,
See the hurt..
See the hate..
In my eyes I will seem distant..

Look into my eyes,
There you will see everything,
Everything I hold inside.
There you will see me.

Mask

I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled;
To hide my feelings behind a lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside, I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling
For I designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see,
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day,
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying.
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.

But until then I'll keep on smiling.
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Until then, I'll be here.. waiting.

Memory

Memory;

It’s a gift yet a punishment.

You can look back on all the great accomplishments you’ve done,

Yet you can also see all the bad choices you’ve made.

The ones you want to forget, to repress?

Like the ones where you lose

a friend, a lover, family?

Where you hear something,

see something,

you shouldn’t have?

You make a bad choice,

you never forget it.

People that tell you to let go of the past,

that the past is the past and not the now,

that it was easy for them,

You can’t stop thinking about it.

It’s replaying over,

and over,

and over.

What people don’t realize is all

those bad pieces of the past,

the ones that follow you, haunt you-

the ones you let go-

are better for you.

The bad ones shape you, make you who you are,

The bad choices teach you that this world isn’t a shiny, perfect place.

It’s shows you the consequences in your actions.

The ability to keep memories, the bad ones especially, is a double-edged sword.

A punishment, never-ending.

A gift, overlooked.

This is me.

This is me.
Are my words entertaining nonsense?
Do they hold no effect on you?
Here I am.
Uttering words to you again.
I’m talking too much yet again,
aren't I?
This is me.
You have me locked inside these walls.
Just lock me up so you won’t hear me speak.
I'm just an entertaining nuisance to you.
yes, I believe I am.
Quick.
Lock me up.
Lock me up and throw away the key.

Our Identity; Grace;

Our identity.
When we think of this many images come to mind of course. Your identity can often be found by looking at your birth certificate... Showing a picture, your name, something like that. But does it say anything about who you are...?


1 Peter: 2 reads;
'But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.'


It's hard to swallow right? When I look in the mirror I see my reflection and that's not one bit a royal priest I see a broken person I look in the mirror and I admit to myself that God's calling me to be a better follower of him to be a better sister, student, daughter.


It's shown me the things.. The things that I've done wrong. And if you're like me and you look in the mirror and you see the bruises, cuts, scars and the things that we don't think so highly of ourselves.. Boy! Our identity sure gets blurred doesn't it? It's blurred in this: we can't see that we're chosen and we're royal priesthood. We see brokenness... And so the question is: what do we do with that image that we see in our earthly life? How do we handle it?  How do we wipe it away? And the fact is, you and I can't. It's only through Christ who does that. Our identities are secure in Christ. Through God's grace. Grace. When I think of grace I think of it as how it was taught to me in my confirmation classes. Grace: God's riches at Christ's expense. We do not deserve to go to heaven. We deserve hell. But we receive grace, it's our free gift.
The sins we commit may sometimes seem absolutely terrible. But what Jesus did on the cross was meant to take what is unforgivable and make it forgivable. That's Jesus' grace.

When we look at our identity and think that we are broken.. We also think we have a whole lifetime to try to fix what we've done wrong. In reality we can't fix it. Only Christ can. It's not about us. It's all about him. And if we question if our identity truly belongs in him look what it says in scripture about who you are. You are : fearfully and wonderfully made, precious to God, cared about since your conception, God's child, chosen by Jesus, loved dearly by God, free from condemnation, a temple, a dwelling place of God's spirit. You are redeemed and forgiven for all your sins. You are his. Sin has made our identities blurry. We stopped seeing ourselves as his. We started seeing ourselves as broken.


And so I end with the question I started with: who do you think you are? And my answer to this is a simple response: Well, I am his. Called to be his. To live for him so I can shine in darkness. So that others can see the light that is flowing through me, the light of Christ.

I'd like to feel your heartbeat, God.

The Bible does't describe how Eve looked like. She must've been THE MOST gorgeous woman to EVER grace the Earth because she was made in God's image... like God literally made made her. But then the Bible doesn't focus on that. It focuses on her role as wife to Adam and her duty to God, her Creator.


Interesting, no?
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." - 1 Peter 3:3-4


The "standard" of feminine excellence is not meant to be superficial. What matters is the inner self. That UNFADING BEAUTY. Holy moly, ladies! You hear that? Are you understanding that? Our obsessions with cosmetics, image, body shapes, etc.. don't matter. They never did to begin with!
I don't know about all of you girls, but I'm going after God's heart. 
I totally want a gentle and quiet spirit! 
Yes, yes!! I'd like to feel your heartbeat, God. 

Savior.

I think a problem with Christians is that sometimes we confuse the idea of sharing our good news with others and being someone's savior.


Sometimes I have to remind myself that it is not my will, but God's to be done.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am not the savior-- Jesus is.


I've seen and been badly burned by some people who have felt the need to play "God" with my life. Maybe it begins with genuine care and concern, or with good intentions, but after time, it becomes an idol and an addiction that we feel we cannot and SHOULD NOT let go of... because after all, the Bible calls us to help others right?


We should learn and be constantly reminding ourselves of our places. We are called to help others, but we are not designated as God or as THE Savior. But in the end, there is a fine line.


Dear God,
Not my will, but let YOURS be done.

Excerpt From A Love Worth Giving.

    Our love depends on the receiver of the love. Let a thousand people pass before us and we will not feel the same about each. Our love will be regulated by their appearance, by their personalities. Even when we find a few people that we like our feelings will fluctuate. How they treat us will affect how we love them. The reciever regulates our love.
    Not so with the love of God. We have no thermostatic impact on his love for us. The love of God is born from within him, not from what he finds in us. His love is uncases and spontaneous.
    Does he loves us because of our goodness? Because of our kindness? Because of our great faith? No, he loves us because of his goodness, his kindness and his great faith.

                                         -A Love Worth Giving By Max Lucado.

Invisible Nobody(:

I'm an invisible nobody.
And I like it that way.
I don't want to be part of "the crowd" like everyone else.
I am my own person.
I am a normal person.
I cry, and I scream.
I yell and I pout.
And that's just me.
So if you're not okay with that..
I'm not changing..
So take me as I am..
Or watch me as I go(:

Faint figure.

A lantern light from deeper in this barn.

Inching nearer, do I dare?

A blurred figure under the faint lantern light.

Are my eyes playing tricks on me?

With a hand out in front of me,

I am protecting myself.

Darkness seems to be whispering,

whispering to me.

Few steps more, few steps now

As I come closer to the lantern.

Am I ready?

Am I prepared?

To be drawn to this faint figure,

I soon find out to be

You.

Bring Me Away.

Fly Away
Tie myself to this paper plane,

bring me away.

 

You thought I would always take it.

You're wrong.

I hate it.

Tie myself to these ballons.

Bring me away,

Far away from you.

But the wind had changed.

Bringing me back.

Yet, each time I come back,

you are always there.

Immortal

Looking into those eyes
Walking.
Slowly you came.
Inch by inch
You're moving closer.

Stiff as stone, I am.
I feel my heart beating faster.
Feel myself burning inside.

Runnin with you by my side.
Soaking in the warm sun light.
In this forest, we fly.
feelin surreal
I hold on tight.

No, dont say those words, my dear.
Listen to me.
Hear me speak.
I'm immortal with you.

Unmask.

She unmasks
Layer by layer.
She hides..
So many disguises.
She's so confused.

Lost in those layers of masks.
She's done.
Another one's falling.
Another one's revealed.
It's never ending.

Who she really is?
Oh, she doesnt' know.
Trapped in the mirror
is her true self.

Or is it?
no one knows.

Can you see me?

Thousands of tears falling
behind my smiles and laughter.
Thousands of tears hiding,
thousands of tears camouflage.
It's all a pathetic mask I'm wearing.
A mask for all to see.
Unveil this if you dare,
unveil me if you care.
These tears are falling
for you.
These tears are reaching out
to you.
I'm reaching out to you
Do you see me at all?
Can you see me at all?

Here's to the crazy ones.

Here's to the crazy ones.
The misfits
The rebels
The troublemakers
The round pegs in square holes
The ones who see things differently
They're not fond of rules
And have no respect for the status quo
You can quote them, disagree with them,
disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you cant do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They invent. They imagine. They heal.
They explore. They create. They inspire.
They push the human race forward.
Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
Or sit in silence and hear a song that hasn't been written?
Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?
We make tools for these kind of people.
While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see them as geniuses.
Because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world.. Are the ones who do.

Why me ?

This had nothing to do with jealousy, hurt or envy. It had to do with doubts. The same niggling doubts I had always had about not belonging. I didn't feel like I belonged with my family, and now I didn't feel like I belonged with him, except unlike my family, who was stuck to me, he had chosen me, and this I didn't understand. Why had he fallen for me? It didn't make sense. I knew it was school that brought us together in the first place, put us in the same space so we could even get to know each other. And I knew how that he liked how helpful and nice I appeared to be. And that he loved my sense of humor. And I knew that when it was the two of us alone together, we could talk for hours and hours about anything and that made me feel like I truly had someone I could trust. I understood all that in my head, but I still didn't believe it in my heart. When I was with him, I felt picked, chosen, special, and loved... But that just made me wonder why me? Even more.

~ If I stay ~ By Gayle Forman ~

I'm not

I'm not perfect, nor am I very intelligent. I have my flaws just as everyone else does, and the friends I have now are the ones who made me who I am today. I make constant mistakes, and never really learn from them. I don’t see myself as pretty or beautiful. When it comes to love, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and trust people too easily. I'm still a bit clueless as to why people like me; I don't see myself as "special". Just another person amongst many others. I have problems, just like everyone else, I tend to complain about them and always somehow seem to get caught up it pointless drama. I'm trying to change, be more confident in myself, and to smile more. I'm stubborn, really stubborn, don't even get me started. Life hasn't been what I wanted it to be, but I know sometime soon it might change for the better. I'm very complex and yet so simple. I'm quiet yet very out-spoken; I'm shy but very bold. I'm surrounded by tons of people, but I feel so alone. To understand me, is a life time’s task, so just get to know the basics of me instead of trying to figure me out. Everyone I meet tends to leave a different impact in my life, good and bad, but to experience and learn is part of life. And Love? I'll only love one person, forever and ever. I also want to finish with school, and be known as smart. To recieve a scholorship and do what I want to do in my life. I'm young, I'm still learning, I've yet more of the world to see, I'm not very cautious, I get hurt easily, I hurt people, I always see the good side of people even though they're jerks, but that's who I am. I'm me, and no one will change that. I will never change. Even if asked. I'll be who I am and I will always stick to it.